Weekend Shorts: X-Men catchup, part the last

I’m finally done! All it took was forbidding myself from reading another comic until I got through the backlog of X-Men on my shelf. Thank goodness my stack ended exactly at the end of this particular storyline. I can’t imagine what I’d’ve done if I were missing one, or if the last one started a new interesting run. I’ve definitely enjoyed the action-packed adventures of these lady X-Men, but I am frustrated by the sameness of the drawn characters, the threadbare “plot” (as you’ll see soon enough), and the fact that I am obviously supposed to know who all these people are and I just do not. I’ll stick with my tiny-universe comics in the future, thanks. But just in case you were curious how this storyline ends, here are some recaps with super spoilers:

X-Men #9
X-Men #9Deathstrike is on the move with the live sample of Arkea, and I realize that I really have no idea what Arkea is. Probably doesn’t matter. The X-Men, with the reluctant help of Arkea’s brother John Sublime, track Deathstrike & Co. to Dubai, where Arkea has unsurprisingly started taking over bodies, “upgrading” Deathstrike, Typhoid Mary, and Enchantress in unspecified fashions. There’s a cool part where one of the vaguely ethnic X-Men flies through a building at Mach 3, as you do, I guess, but I am most intrigued by the strange underwater army that shows up at the end.

X-Men #10
X-Men #10Oh, hey, turns out Arkea is a virus. And the bad guys all got what they wanted from her (them? it?) even though I didn’t see them asking. Exposition does have its benefits. After the recap, our human missile gets picked up and sent back to work as the X-Men continue trying to hunt Arkea down. Meanwhile, there is a bit of one-way dissent between Deathstrike & Co. and Arkea as the Ana Cortes part of Deathstrike realizes that things have not gone at all according to plan. Then Arkea asks for more backup in the form of yet more people I have never heard of but are apparently super dangerous, and the underwater army turns out to be SUPER HUGE and I am not sure how this showdown is gonna go down.

X-Men #11
X-Men #11Sooooo Ana and Enchantress go rescue some mutant who is somehow being stored as particles in air, which, AWESOME, but also wtf. I really wish I knew who any of these people were. Meanwhile, the X-Men finally figure out that they’re being played, John Sublime talks some shit, and Ana Cortes solves her problems by somehow putting a sword through herself. Then, FINALLY, the epic underwater showdown begins, but it’s mostly just more X-Men I don’t know (except for their names handily printed alongside them) flying around doing… stuff? And then apparently Jubilee is a vampire, which, wait, what? Come on, guys. I am totally unclear how this is going to wrap itself up in one more issue.

X-Men #12
X-Men #12Uh, quickly, apparently. Arkea gets her super dangerous people all resurrected and ready to go, and then the X-Men show up and there is the briefest of standoffs during which Storm is like, hey, we’re here for Arkea, you leave now and we’ll call it a draw. The new ladies are dangerous but not stupid and take the deal, leaving Arkea alone with Karima and Karima’s new toy that will apparently kill Arkea, though we see how that went last time. Then some X-Man or other psychics the giant army to death, or whatever, the end. And that’s all you’re getting from me on this subject EVER AGAIN.

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